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"Can We Talk About"

This week I won and Oscar

In honor of the Oscars...which I didn't watch by the way...I thought I would inform all of you that I won an Oscar this last week for this short film I did for one of my accounting class. We had problems the last 24 hours with youtube taking it down for my 'copyrighted soundtrack'....oops! but I changed some songs and hopefully this one stays up..in the process it keeps putting the sound from the last scene out of sync...but after hours of editing I decided to let it go.

In our movie we discuss the benefits of outsourcing the internal audit function

(don't worry...in the 9:52 there is only about 30 seconds of educational material. the rest of it is chalk full of sheer cinematic excellence!)

This is probably the best movie I have ever made. My favorite part is when I beet up people in DI while wearing a wedding dress...or when Jon dresses up a dweeb...or maybe when Southcott tackles people in his Lacrosse gear.

GET EXCITED!

(Be sure to rate it since we get a higher grade the more ratings we get!)

My cardboard cut out is dating the cardboard cut out of Clark Gable in Hollywood Video...

Thanks to my confidence in giving dating advice, as expressed by previous posts, I have become somewhat of a 'dating guru', if you will. I don't know how to take this...at first I was totally flattered and honored. But then I realized that recognition is only as valuable as the people giving it to you. While I do love all of you, my fellow blog followers, I am forced to ask the question, "Have you not realized that I am undeniably single?" This fact should discredit me from the start because this is, in essence, a situation commonly referred to as...

"The Blind leading the Blind"

But no worries my friends, I've decided that I should take my responsibility as 'love guru' about as seriously as you all take my blog posts dripping in sarcasm. That said I have no problem asserting my opinion as undeniable fact, and leading even more of you to years of loneliness.

Ok, So continuing on from my 2nd latest blog post, "Honey I'm on Holiday"....after improving your product offering, advertising becomes key. Apparently the rest of my fellow women's chorus council members thought this too when our conductor Sister Applonie said to me one day, "Now Maggie....we have a great idea for publicity...I personally love it...I think you will too...Well...actually....I don't know....you might throw punches....but...We need...a Life-sized....cardboard cutout.... of you...in the bookstore!"


Turns out they wanted to advertise our upcoming concert March 13th...not my dating life...but I knew both would happen and I love efficiency.

Here are some of Natalie and my favorite pictures we took that night.








We Finally settled on this one. . .(The black spot is where the poster is) We decided, demographically speaking, that 5'9'' was a better height for me so this is actually 2 inches shorter than me.

I have to admit, even though all of BYU now gets to check me out in my oh-so-stylish women's chorus uniform...I have developed a new favorite past-time called, "Let's walk through the bookstore and see how many weird looks I can get". It pretty much consists of me standing in an isle next to my cardboard cut out, smiling at people, and seeing how many people almost say hi to me or get really embarrassed like they should know me...but can't remember where we met...then realize they just saw 'me' four seconds and 15 feet ago.







In closing, our Women's Chorus concert is going to FABULOUS! and everyone should come...because it will change your life. one time while passing out fliers I saw a guy with a broken leg and Lauren said to me, "I'm gonna go up to that guy, hand him a flier and say, "This concert will HEAL YOUR LEG!"

While my cardboard cut out may not help me get a date (But then again, BYU guys are into girls in velvety sparkly tops these days)...I figured I owed it to those of you who actually listen to me to provide you with a fabulous date night. I know, I'm so selfless :)

If your single...bring a date, and the girl will look at you at the end of the night and say, 'Ooo You're so classy taking me to a Women's Chorus concert!" and if she doesn't? Problem solved! you just witnessed 180 girls...serenading...YOU!

If you're married...why not surprise your wife with, "Two tickets to that thing she loves!" (Though I can't promise the tickets will turn into diamonds)

-See you there my friends!
http://womenschorus.com

Buy tickets: https://www.vendini.com/ticket-software.html?t=tix&e=75d9376cd74116dc90c192cec46211e8&rmid=4b54533c7af897a126667a57f6d479f8

BYU Women's Chorus from BYUarts on Vimeo.

Who needs Cupid when Narcissus can be your Valentine?

This was the best valentine's day EVER because I got these roses...

Wait....

No, that's not right. I got those LAST valentines day...

What did I do THIS valentine's day?

Oh yeah I remember now!


~~~~~~~~~

I went and had a romantic evening at this gazebo over looking Provo with my boyfriend!

CRAP! that was TWO years ago...

For the life of me I can't remember why this was such an awesome valentine's day...

Oh yeah I remember....


Allow me to walk you through my valentine's week proceedings...


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My mom sends me cards for every holiday. She's usually pretty good about being on time. In fact, I don't think she's ever been late by more than a day! Which is pretty good considering it's my 4th year in college.

My mom is prompt...my valentine's day card showed up in JANUARY!

I LOVE HER! I'm so glad this came early because I got to spend the previous 16 days in the company of this good man!
















FALSE! included in my card was a gift card to Olive Garden with the condition: "Just don't take the guy on the front of this card"

So Lauren Johns and I had a lovely romantic dinner at Olive Garden this weekend...and by romantic I mean we sat at the bar because for being - as Joel McHale calls it - The worst thing to happen to Italian Americans since the Mafia and 'Jersey Shore', Olive Garden is PACKED on weekends!

We discussed our top reasons why it's awesome to be single on valentine's day...

(1) I get to the ENTIRE box of See's Candy my grandpa sent me. . .and this is the gift that keeps giving because now that i've successfully ingested 5,000 calories. . .odd are I'll be single this time next year.

(2) Instead of wondering for the 2 weeks leading up to Valentine's day, "Are we dating? Do i need to get him something for V-day?" I curled up with the thought of the man on my card...Mmmmm....STEAMY!!

(3) Since V-Day was on a Sunday this year...many people in Provo celebrated on Saturday...
I, however, wore sweats ALL DAY!

(4) I don't have to look at my boyfriend's swollen eyes as he looks at me on the verge of tears as I explain to him that I forgot valentine's day!

(5) I realized this year that sometimes when I'm talking to someone and there's a mirror behind their head...I watch myself talk...Or if I'm walking down the Tanner Building stairs...I look at my reflection in the little mirrored panels...Or if i'm window shopping....I'm really not looking in the window...I'm staring at my reflection. Sound familiar?

check out the story of Narcissus in case you forgot the story from Greek mythology.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narcissus_
%28mythology%29

Sure Narcissus was cursed to fall in love with his own reflection in the river...YEAH, he died there too.

BUT HE DIED HAPPY!

So quite frankly, I think hanging out with myself on Valentine's day is the Shizz.



Long story short...as VH1 would say, "I'm having the BEST WEEK EVER" because I spent it with girlfriends, the dude on my card, and quite honestly....myself :)


~~I HOPE YOU ALL LOVE YOURSELF AS MUCH AS I LOVE MYSELF...BECAUSE IF YOU DO...CONGRATULATIONS, YOU HAD A HOT. . .HAUT. . .VALENTINE'S DAY!!!

Honey I'm on Holiday

One time this summer I called my good friends Mike Folsom and Cameron Earl. Mike asked me, "Maggie you're back in Phx now right?" To which I responded..."Only for a week then i'm back at BYU for school."

The rest of the conversation went something like this...
Mike: "Maggie...why do you tease?"
Me: "Oh Mike I only aim to please!"
Mike: "First you're here, then in Utah, then you run off to New York! Why do you do this?"

(And this is when genius struck me)

Me: "To keep supply low and market price high for my dating stock dearest Folsom. I don't want to flood the market...so if I just leave town here and there, snag the occasional boyfriend here and there, and remain relatively unavailable...then every time I come back to town it's like re-entering the market. Every welcome home should be like an IPO!"

I was joking when I said this...but then I started thinking...THIS IS TRUE!

First let's discuss the supply and demand curve.....here it is.....
As you can see, the y axis is price and the x axis is the quantity. The supply curve explains that as price increases, suppliers are willing to supply a greater quantity...but the demand curve operates in the opposite, when the price decreases more people are willing to buy. An efficient market operates at the equilibrium point where suppliers and demanders agree upon price and quantity.

So how does this apply to dating? Well first of all we need to adjust the supply curve...because there is only one of you...so you can really only provide one quantity...and to be honest the idea of supplying more of yourself with an increase in price is verging on prostitution (but maybe that's just my opinion...I am, in fact, watching Moulin Rouge at the moment).

So here we have the supply and demand curve of dating with a vertical supply curve...I have appropriately marked equilibrium as you can tell.Here equilibrium is relatively low...Think of price as the quality of men in your life. So at this point the men in your life are less than impressive.

That's ok! because thanks to modern economic theory...there IS such thing as a shift in the supply curve. Now there may be only one of you...but you can make yourself somewhat more 'elusive' as it were. This is what Mike was referring to when he asked me why i was always gone. By limiting supply you can sufficiently shift the supply curve to the left, raising the price at which equilibrium occurs!The next shift is slightly harder to achieve, however, and requires a little more time and investment. A shift in the demand curve, in economic theory, raises the price at which a consumer would be willing to pay for a commodity at any given quantity. Or....in this case...luck you! you can now expect equilibrium (or Lamour) to occur at a higher price (aka with better quality of men).
So how do you make this happen? Easy, improve the quality of your offering. . .education, life experience, musical talent, what have you....

The point is, you're in control of your dating equilibrium....Which is why I've currently decided to take time out of dating. . .decrease my face time (creating a supply shift) in the dating market...focus on school/my internship this summer in New York City (creating a shift in the demand curve)...and come back in August to a better dating market. . .aka better men.

Taking control of your love life is easy...which is why I'm encouraging every girl currently disappointed with her love life to say...

"Honey, I'm on Holiday!"

"Maggie, you can make more money by saying "I do" than you can by working your whole life" - Parker Moffat

This Christmas I was talking to my dear friend Parker Moffat who has been known to provide good advice. He's like my own personal life coach. He provides me with insight to life. When I came back from New York one time, I mentioned that I had dinner with a guy I'd met at Grand Central Station....to which Parker so morally/sarcastically responded, "Did you sleep with him?" "NO! obviously not!" I replied. Then Parker imparted upon me this little gem of knowledge, "Mags, hasn't anyone ever told you? You're not gonna get anywhere in life until you start sleeping around"

For those of you unfamiliar with Parker....he was kidding! However, I don't think he was kidding two nights ago when he told me, "Mags, you can make more money saying 'I do' than you can in a lifetime of working!"

The other week my 'Dearest McKay' was informing me that he had given his sister Jordan similar advice recently.

Clearly my sister Kate and her husband Geoff had the same thought when they picked this little trinket up for me. Merry Christmas Mags!!!

To fully appreciate this piggy bank, allow me to explain to you what it says...

-On the fine print, the woman in the red dress is saying, "Are you sexually attracted to money?

-The top of the tin, where the opening is, says, "Dream Big"

-And the back of the tin says this...

"Of course you can't go out and buy a man. But, darling, you can certainly go out and buy the trappings to attract one. A rich husband is the best investment you'll ever make, but don't fool yourself - it's going to cost an arm and a leg to get him so you'd better start savin' up. And you'd better get to work

"First step? Dust yourself off. Get your hair styled. Get a manicure. Then splurge and pick out a fabulously flattering wardrobe. Don't forget finishing school, language lessons, and a membership at the best country club...where your chances are sky high to find true love.

"A life of monogrammed sheets, chauffeur-driven cars, pool staff, private jets, and passion awaits you. Why don't you make today the first day of the rest of your life?

"Happy Husband Hunting!"



---Merry Christmas to all...and to all a rich husband!

Dee Snider is a better investment

This last December 1st....was my birthday. In case you forgot (Though odds are you had three notifications 1. facebook, 2. your phone calendar, 3. your impeccable memory which allows you to remember the birthdays of your favorite people) I turned 21 this month. So to celebrate, I had a fabulous Tuesday, filled with friends and family birthday wishes. That Friday at my apartment was the 1988 themed (great year to be born!) dance party.

I thought about buying wine...and cooking with it...until all the alcohol burned out. Then I remembered that I hate cooking...so that was a terrible idea. So the only thing left to do was to go to Vegas with Joscelyn after finals to celebrate my legality. Before this could take place, however, I first had to complete finals. Jo and I told our friend Mike in Las Vegas that we would be down visiting so he decided to look up some shows for us to see. Three days before our trip Mike texts me, "Wanna go see Twisted Sister's Christmas Concert - A Twised Christmas"

What? Mike NO, I DO NOT want to see that creepy guy prance around in tights and makeup singing my favorite Christmas songs!

........OR DO I?


"Uh....YEAH MIKE! I totally want to see Twisted Sister!"

Thursday morning (the 17th) I completed my last final and was on my way to return my books to the BYU bookstore to see if they had any fun sized snickers bars for me as they tell me, "We're not buying this one back this year" aka. they came out with the 9th edition...which is exactly the same as the 8th edition except for the new pictures on pg. 354, 267, and 874. Of course!

Well, expecting to received a significantly low return on my books, I brace myself for bad news...but nothing could have prepared me for THIS! I spent just a little over $400 this semester on books. . .and my return?

. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
$5.50!!!!!!!!!!!!!


You might be asking yourself, "Maggie? how did you cope with this?"

EASY! i went to Vegas, and gambled ALL of it in hopes of proving that I could lose less money gambling than I could buying books from the bookstore!

----------------------
Joscelyn picked me up (snickers bar in hand) outside the Wilk Center and we departed for Vegas!

Can we take a moment to talk about this guy? I'm pretty sure I'm in love with Twisted Sister.

And by the way, I figured out why Twisted Sister was so successful during my 2 hours stay at the Hilton theater in Las Vegas. I learned in my marketing class this last semester that people buy products to fulfill a certain need.

What does every adolescent boy and girl want? to feel important! Solution-Every high school boy looks at Dee Snider and thinks, "Well my girlfriend might look horrible without make up, but she's better looking with it on than He is...so I must have done something right." Additionally, I'm looking at Dee thinking, "That journalist from London WAS right! He DOES look like Sarah Jessica Parker dipped in a vat of acid! Wow, comparatively I feel REALLY HOT right now!"

This is me and Jo having the time of our lives at Twisted Sister....along with all the other 40 year olds in leather jackets and fishnets.

On our way out I gambled $1 on slots and $5 on black jack. (It's hard to gamble $5.50, so I rounded up) I walked away with ......... $5!!!!!

In conclusion
I lost 98.6% of my initial investment at the BYU bookstore
I lost 16.6% of my initial investment gambling in Vegas

--> Books at the Bookstore are the WORST investment of my life!