Sunday, November 15, 2009

Mango Sorbet can be better than Men

I'm sorry it has been so long since my last post! I have had several complaints lately that I have not updated my blog. Truth is...I have about 4 posts in the making. none of them are finished yet. so expect great things!

However, today I had an epiphany. You know one of those rare moments when I find sense in the jumbled crap that goes on in my head. So my Epiphany! I was thinking this morning about hedging risk and financial derivatives etc. the usual thoughts of an accounting major moving to New York to work in financial services auditing, and I realized something. I have been hedging risk since I turned 16! This is the how and why...

I realized I have a nac for making guys feel extremely awkward. The following doorstep scene is not an entirely uncommon occurrence...

Him: "Well, have a good night, thanks for coming with me tonight"

Me: "Oh of course, it was fun!"

(Insert awkward silence where he looks like he's going to kiss me)

(Insert bubble caption of how I feel (this is a comic book scene I'm describing apparently)

-It's around this time he decides to kiss me

-It's also about this time where I allow myself to express my deepest inner thoughts.

Me: "Every year I try to hold off getting excited for Christmas...this year I made it to the fact that it's October and I'm secretly listening to Christmas music in my room late at night is really a huge success for me don't you think?"

Him: "That's amazing Maggie Ward...are we seriously talking about this right NOW?"

-This part is now followed by the two week silence of my phone representative of him never calling me again.

***In short***
My first kiss I kept laughing because I was uncomfortable and then I walked inside my house and locked the guy outside without saying anything. (He, surprisingly, did call me back however). My point is this...I LOVE Mango Sorbet! Solution! Hedge your dating risk with Mango sorbet!

Me: "What do you think the likelihood ____ is going to ask me out again?"

Joscelyn/Calli/Traci: "Pretty good"

Me: "Can you quantify that please?"

J/C/T: "umm...85%?" (Joscelyn now gives me a standard deviation too-she understands me)

Me: "Oh that's pretty high. So you wanna bet on it? If he takes me out again I'll buy you Mango sorbet, but if he doesn't you owe me."

J/C /T: "Why do you always bet against yourself?"

Me: "Because this way if he never calls me again I still get sorbet out of it"


Long and short:
1) I was made to work with Financial instruments
2) I like to quantify my dating life
3) I love Mango Sorbet
4) If you happen to work in finance, find my awkward quirks charming, and would like to bring me some mango sorbet...I may just marry you.