Sunday, December 18, 2011

Escape from Randall's Island

To begin this story I have to go back to last year when I was visiting NYC in the fall. Chad Allred and I decided to spend a lovely Saturday visiting Roosevelt Island, located in the East River between Manhattan and Queens. We swiped our subway cards and made our descent to the subway flat which would take us under the East River to our destination. On the way Chad asked me, "Have you ever seen Shutter Island?" I replied that I had not and he briefed me on the plot involving a US Marshall investigating an island, home to a prison for the criminally insane. Maybe it was the deep, sinister tones of the story, the descent into the bowels of the subway system, or simply my inability to stomache sinister story lines that led me to wide-eyed worry, but by the time we re-emerged on Roosevelt Island, I had the feeling something was wrong. Just as we stepped out of the subway terminal, we found ourselves surrounded by amputees pan-handling for spare change. To properly express my feelings, I have provided a graph below.

As you can tell, there comes a point where a lacking of limbs no longer produces greater sympathy within me. This is usually the point where I am so terrified that I completely surpass compassion and go straight to fear. I believe at this point I turned to Chad and said, "Why do I feel like something evil took place on this island many years ago...and that we shouldn't be here." Needless to say I was terrified.

Fast forward to last week...

After purchasing bell peppers, hummus, and a slew of fashion magazines, my good friend Ashley Sadler and I were on our way to meet up with a couple other girls (Karen Zelnick and Kim Blatter) to watch our friends play in an intramural football tournament on Randall's Island. Randall's island is another island in the East river, just north of Roosevelt Island, so you can be sure good times will ensue!

On the way to Randall's, I told Ashley about my experience with Chad last year. The cabby didn't know where we were going, and frankly neither did we, but once we spotted the field and realized we were driving down a dead-end, we told him to drop us off. The football field was on the other side of a chain link fence so while Ashley paid the cab driver, I glanced around for an opening in the fence. As the cab turned around in the dead end, I noted a shady looking man walking towards us from an ally. I grabbed Ashley and we began walking the other way. As the cabby passed us, he rolled down the window and said, "Hey girls, keep walking this direction, there's a guy back there that looks up to no good". We thanks him and continued on.

We walked north along the east side of the fence until we passed the field and found an open gate just 30 feet north of the field. Twenty yards in front of us was another drunken looking man and I remember thinking, "Are we being herded?" But seeing the opening in the fence I shrugged it off and turned left. We were now walking along the north side of the football field fence still looking for another opening. Around this point Ashley and I started joking (nervously) about the crazy men we had just witnessed. The fence seemed to go on forever and began bending to the right pulling us away from the field. We were walking in between trees, by old buildings, all while walking further and further away from our destination. amongst the crunchy leaves under our feet, I found the soul of a rubber boot. While Ashley was asking me if I thought the buildings around us looked a little run down, I thought, "Yes....yes....someone died here. This is their shoe. There is a dead body under my feet right now I just know it."

Just then I heard a door creak open and as I was about to scream and run I heard Ashley say, "Can you help us get to the field?" Wide-eyed and incredulous, I looked at Ashley wondering why she would admit to this man standing in the doorway that we were lost. Then I noticed his name-tag and realized he must know how to get us out. My frustration shifted instantly to admiration and I mentally shook hands with Ashley for her actions. However the man replied that he had no idea what we were talking about...I mentally flipped this guy off...

As we made our way we saw two men taking pictures of each other in some sort of a courtyard. I considered asking them for directions but when one of them started making kissy faces at us and the other one referred to me as Angel, I was OUT OF THERE! At this point I remembered that Randall's Island was actually two island's at one point: Ward's and Randall's. Ward's island received it's name because it is the home of the Manhattan Psychiatric Center. The two islands were connected years ago by a land fill. So naturally Ashley and I have wandered into the complex.

The fence turned again and was leading us the complete opposite direction of the field by this point. We hit a dead end and beginning to feel the ever increasing sting of fear, decided to turn around. Just as we did we saw a stalky looking woman darting straight for us. She was slightly out of breathe as she was yelling, "What are you girls doing here? You are trespassing!" Keep in mind that when I get nervous and uncomfortable, I tend to giggle uncontrollably. Ashley responded, "We don't know where we are; we'd be happy to leave if you would help us get out." Meanwhile, I'm smiling like an absolute idiot; chuckling even harder as I think about how it must look for two blond girls from the Upper West Side, to be wandering through the trees carrying bell peppers, hummus, and Harper's Bazaar. The lady asked us, "How did you even get in here?" and just as Ashley explains how the gate in the fence was open, this lady screams to another guy 30 feet away, "Michael! WE HAVE A GATE OPEN!!" I almost screamed with laughter.

And lie...this lady says this to us...

"When you come to the Island, never go through open gates. We didn't know you girls were in here. You could have been assaulted and we wouldn't have even known. You need to go to the police station so they can escort you to he field. This is no place for you girls."

For real? "When you cooooome to theeee IIIIIIIIIIIsland"? OK listen up troll-woman! Don't speak to me like I should have known the ins-and-outs of Randall's island. Just get me out!!! I thought I was going to watch a football tournament Kennedy's style complete with pretentious East Coast dress attire, sweaty men, and frivolous conversation on the side-lines while I pretend to care about our team and secretly check out the QB on the other field. I didn't think I was hansel and gretel-ing it to the witches house! What am I doing here? Why do I feel like I'm losing my mind? Why don't peppers and hummus do as well as bread crumbs when you leave them on a trail?

As we walk come to the doors at the front of the complex, this guy leans out to me and says in the creepiest voice, "Hope you ladies enjoyed your tour".

Long story short we make it to the police station and finally managed it to the field. We busted out Vogue, checked out our man 'Q' on the other team, and got to work. But I think it will be a VERY long time before I take another trip to another island off the coast of Manhattan.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

does BYU have a crew team?

So this fall I made BYUSingers, and I'm SUPER JAZZED! However, I recognize I have a lot to work on so I have recently taken up voice lessons with my old voice teacher from a few years ago. She has recently moved so she gave me her new address. When I went to googlemaps to get directions to her house, I put the starting location as BYU. Well Googlemaps decided that meant BYU Hawaii, not Provo...and NO lie this is what it returned to me for directions!

In case you didn't quite catch it is again...up close

Thank you googlemaps for making my day! Maybe when I'm filthy rich and successful with a consulting job I can take whatever conundrum i'm faced with and approach it the same way as the googlemaps employee who solved this brain buster....with dry sarcasm and a tinge of incredulity regarding the question asked.

If a client asks me how to turn their company around so its profitable again I can say something like "Well, you can start by giving your self a raise and a big bowl of candy!....Actually though, you should probably just fire yourself" and when they look at me in a puzzled fashion I can say, "Seriously? you don't see the main problem?...time to resign brother"

Thanks Googlemaps employee for your refreshing bout of sarcasm.
Conclusion: don't try to figuratively cross the Pacific in an automobile...even technology will laugh at you.

Sunday, August 15, 2010

People People

Why are some people just SO entertaining? I could sit here and talk about all the funny things I've seen happen in New York City this summer....but I digress and pass it off to this video to do the job for me :)

More than that.......who autotunes these videos? I want to meet them :)

Wednesday, May 19, 2010


These are some of the things I was wondering today

1. Do you burn more calories walking in heels than in flats?
2. Does driving stick burn more calories?
3. Does thinking burn more calories? because I feel cheated if it doesn't
4. When will they invent calorie free pizza?

--> thank you

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Liabilities + Equity = Lamour!

This semester has been the busiest semester of all my college years. Not because it was particularly packed...but because my goals for the semester increased. This semester I spent probably half of my weekend nights in the MAcc lounge on the third floor of the tanner building studying accounting concepts. However, I realized one small hitch in my plan this last month, that finally came to fruition today. Allow me to explain...

After choir on Fridays, the back row alto I section (Holli, Lindy, and Lauren) and I would go to the BYU bookstore and get fudge. I realized a few Fridays ago that something in me changed when upon taking my first bite of fudge (that week) I exclaimed, "And then I realized, with enough money and fudge I'll never need a man!"

I felt so enormously independent. It was a fabulous feeling! Instead of feeling excited to see a new love interest, I couldn't wait to see New York again. Instead of basking in the adoration of a boyfriend, I was glorying in the new earned respect I'd received from my male co-eds of the business school, and despite being undeniably single...I quite frankly had grown so accustom to spending time with my text books...that my initial contentedness in my own solitude blossomed into a deeper love for how little my text books ever talked back to me/was late for dates/started fights/WHAT HAVE YOU!

...I also found that I LOVED Star Wars and playing World of Warcraft...JUST KIDDING, I already knew I loved Star Wars...

I felt like Renee Zellweger in "Down with Love" when she publishes a book telling women to be 'Down with Love', to take control of their lives, and most of all...replace the need for a man with eating chocolate. Hmmm...I had done just this and this was a done deal!
Reveling in my new found independence, I felt unstoppable...until the unthinkable happened! I realized I was in love...

.....With ACCOUNTING!!

Upon leaving class today (the last day of classes before finals) I had this weird sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. I thought, "Oh no mags, you don't need to feel like that THIS time...While you may have had a breakup the LAST THREE sets of winter semester finals...You don't have a boyfriend, so you couldn't possibly...." But I was! I was going through a break up!

In the last two weeks, as school has been wrapping up, I have found myself doing uncustomary things. I watched, "An Affair to remember", "Casablanca", "Pride & Prejudice" (1940's version), "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days", and I was thoroughly disappointed when I couldn't locate "Sleepless in Seattle" the other day. I think my consumption of ice cream increased, and if there was a can of whip cream in my fridge I probably would have gladly squirted it all into my mouth and set it down next to the Kleenex box as I lay there on the couch. Most telling of all is probably this...I wore SCRUBS yesterday! Ok I wore a hoody to bed...but for those 2 hours before I fell asleep I felt as if I'd truly let myself go.

...Maybe if I date enough this summer I can convince myself I don't need accounting?

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Expansion-"Strategery" for every Successful Company

A new blog post will be up shortly...until then, feel free to check out my other blog...

"Can We Talk About"

Thursday, March 11, 2010

This week I won and Oscar

In honor of the Oscars...which I didn't watch by the way...I thought I would inform all of you that I won an Oscar this last week for this short film I did for one of my accounting class. We had problems the last 24 hours with youtube taking it down for my 'copyrighted soundtrack'....oops! but I changed some songs and hopefully this one stays the process it keeps putting the sound from the last scene out of sync...but after hours of editing I decided to let it go.

In our movie we discuss the benefits of outsourcing the internal audit function

(don't the 9:52 there is only about 30 seconds of educational material. the rest of it is chalk full of sheer cinematic excellence!)

This is probably the best movie I have ever made. My favorite part is when I beet up people in DI while wearing a wedding dress...or when Jon dresses up a dweeb...or maybe when Southcott tackles people in his Lacrosse gear.


(Be sure to rate it since we get a higher grade the more ratings we get!)